Why is letting go so hard?

A lot of people I’ve met or heard of, most times the reason for the things happening in their lives at the moment is due to something they refused to let go of. So today we’re finally going to hit the nail on the head about why letting go is so hard.

Now let’s start with ourselves. Most of us find it very hard to move on with our lives because often times we feel we don’t deserve something because of what we did in the past which is actually really sad and we may not know because we already made ourselves believe that we have to suffer in order to pay the price of our mistakes. Now let me first say this,everyone makes mistakes but it’s how we deal with it that determines the effect of it on us. Yes you betrayed your friend a long time ago or you cheated in a relationship or you made a really bad decision or you lived a reckless life before. Boy/girl that was in the past and the earlier you forgive yourself the better for your heart. We can’t just go around carrying this guilt on our chest and letting it weigh us down and affect our productivity and our mental health. Yes you weren’t the best version of yourself but that does not make you a bad person for the rest of your life. You have to accept the fact that you made a mistake and you have to make a decision not to do it again and this time really mean it. I know most times the outcomes of our mistake are so much that it seems like we can never make up for what we did and guess what you’re so damn right you really can’t but there’s something better you can do. FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ON!.Eating yourself up about it isn’t going to change anything or bring back the relationship you lost or the job or family you lost . You can’t change the past, the only thing you can change is the present and the future. So it’s up to you to determine if you’re going to do way better now and in the future and trust God to heal you, make you better and either restore the things you lost or give you even better ones. Maybe you really shouldn’t have done that because you had no idea what you were doing or why you did what you did but guess what you did it and I’m really sorry to say but you can’t change the fact that you did it. The only way forward will be to ask for forgiveness from God, forgive yourself(why I put this second is because,if you don’t forgive yourself the possibility of healing even when the person or situation you wronged or messed up is extremely low. So you have to forgive yourself in order to accept other people’s forgiveness) and ask for forgiveness from the people you wronged or hurt. It’s honestly not easy because sometimes the enemy will remind you of your mistakes just to make you sad and to condemn yourself. But it’s up to you to either accept the forgiveness God offers or to fall back into your place of sadness(I personally won’t advice you to do this).

Now let’s talk about letting go of people. I think to majority of us this is the hardest especially when we feel like we need that person in order to be happy(which is very unhealthy). Now let me let you know that letting go of people necessarily doesn’t mean you cut the off or they are bad so therefore you have to let them go. What I’ve realized is everyone has a good side but when it takes the grace of God to see that in some people(trust me I know). Some people just aren’t good for you today, tomorrow or next because honestly, you can’t be compatible with over 1000people out of the 7billion people we have in this world. I don’t think it’s humanly possible. But not being compatible doesn’t mean you can’t leave in peace with everyone(now this is a decision you have to make on your own and I hope you choose peace).

Now back to letting go of people. Fact check: a lot of us find it really hard to let go of people especially the toxic ones. It’s when we finally let go that we realize they were never good for us. People are good but people can also be bad depending on how much we let them affect us. I know some people are already say “not for me, I let go off people easily like I let go of water”.But search your self, do you really? Letting go goes far beyond just saying it. If you were to be in a place with that person would they still affect you? Some people are already thinking of some people and saying of course not they can’t affect me but guess what mere thinking of them already says a lot about how much you’ve really let them go.

It’s really okay to want people but a situation whereby your happiness depends on the presence of a person or the voice of a person then that is already becoming a problem because no one has the power over your joy, they only have it when you give it to them. It’s very okay for someone to make you happy but don’t ever I repeat EVER depend on them for your happiness i.e if they’re not there you can’t be happy. Your joy has to come from within. People really underestimate real happiness and it’s quite appalling. Letting go doesn’t apply to only letting go of toxic people and vibes sometimes you have to let go of the feeling of depending on someone else(be it your friend or lover) for your sanity.

Release them,free them and let them be. Being alone can never kill you if that’s what it takes to move on. Do it for yourself/your sanity. If someone brings more harm than good in your life,let them go. Letting them go doesn’t necessarily mean you hate them or they’re bad people, it just means they aren’t good for you as an individual at that point of your life or forever. Remember: All clothes are beautiful but not all clothes will fit you; same goes for people. I know it’s going to be very hard to leave that person because you can’t even imagine life without them, but it should be a risk you’re willing to take for your own happiness and sanity. You don’t have to beat yourself up for your inability to let go at once, but slow and steady always wins the race. So don’t worry you’ll get there boo!

Now what everyone has been waiting for: letting go of unhealthy relationships(I hear you saying “finally”😂). Now I think this is the most common amongst us out of the three because the amount of unhealthy relationships we have nowadays is overwhelming. Now before I start let’s look at these features and if your relationship(friendships,etc) contains about 3 of these features then you need to put on your shoes and leave:

• Sadness

• Regrets

• Anger

• Hatred

• Suffering

• Tears

• Emotional distress

• Pain

• Constant doubt

• Etc

Now a lot of us would rather perish in an unhealthy relationship than leave because they fear they won’t find a better one outside or they have a phobia for being alone or they feel they can change the person. But let me ask you a question if a food is bad, do you keep eating it or do you throw it away and look for a better one? Me I will throw it away because I know it can cause harm to my health and I certainly do not want that. So if your answer is the same as mine then I know you are in the right state of mind. If your answer is to keep eating it then I pray God opens your eyes to know and taste good from bad.

Now if we can do that to foods then why is it so hard to do that in relationships(I really wonder)? Some of us stay in really toxic relationships because we say there’s no one else for me or I love them too much. I’m not saying you shouldn’t love,but take your love somewhere or to someone where it would be very much appreciated and reciprocated. We are humans and our time on earth is very short we really shouldn’t waste our time suffering or enduring or lowering our standards when there are extremely better places for us that can make our time on earth worthwhile. Don’t turn yourself into a rehabilitation center for someone who doesn’t want to go to rehab. You have tried your best but they still won’t change please dear pack your bags and go. You are not a bad person for wanting better for YOURSELF. You’re allowed to choose happiness. You might love them but it doesn’t mean they’re good for you,you can always love people without having to be in a relationship with them. It’s not your job to fix people you’re not God only God can do that so instead of crying and trying your best to change them how about you surrender them to God and leave.Some people say I believe I can change him/her but guess what I believe I can fly but here I am on my bed looking at that bird that just won’t keep quiet and not being able to do anything because I can’t fly to reach it. Let’s be realistic it’s only God that can change them and when they’re better God will provide someone else for them. Not everyone is good for you and you aren’t good for everyone so the earlier you accept that truth the better for you. Yes I know it’s very hard because you have stayed with them for so long and you love them so much, but do you love you? I’m not saying when you have arguments with someone just leave. No, because arguments are bound to happen between different people but when arguing becomes an everyday thing and you barely have peace and the argument leads to different toxic things each day and your voice isn’t being heard at all then boy/girl you need to pray for the person and take a huge break .

Being in love is a very beautiful thing and having friends is very good but don’t let it cause more harm than good in your life. You deserve better and trust me better will come so don’t be scared to leave because you feel you won’t find anyone else. Being alone won’t kill you it grows you and shapes you so don’t be scared to be alone. You didn’t fail at trying to change him/her, you tried your best and honestly someone can only change if they are willing to not because of you. So let go of that guilt and pray for them and move on. Please try not to be a toxic person because you’ll chase people away from you. I pray God gives us the ability to walk away from relationships that are killing us and I pray He helps us all to be better people.Amen. Don’t settle for less.

Published by Stephanie

Nigerian🇳🇬 Christian❣️ Igbo

21 thoughts on “Why is letting go so hard?

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